(over dinner with a friend)
Me: (squealing and cheering on Molly, creating a ruckus)
Molly: (also squealing and cheering, loving every minute)
Pai: (deep sigh)
Me: (overly excited) And then I said, “That can’t be possible!” (riots of laughter)
Monica: (laughing at an acceptable level)
Hank: (giggling and eating at the same time)
Maria Miguel: (finding everything amusing)
Molly: (head back, rockets of laughter)
Pai: (smiling but exhausted) Yes, all lovely and wonderful but can’t you use your inside voice, Ethel Merman.
Monica: Who’s Ethel Merman?
Maria Miguel: Yah.
Me: (adopting my spot on Ethel Merman voice) Good ol’ Ethel was a star of the silver screen and Broadway with a voice so loud she never needed amplification. She was the funniest. She was the sunniest. And she was the…
Me: She could (now singing next to Pai’s ear) belt out any show tune loud enough to drown out the chorus (big finish) and the BAND! (jazz hands)
Molly: (clapping, cheering)
Pai: (semi-dazzled but also exhausted) Yes, but just this once. (comedically pleading) Inside voice? Please?
Me: (back to my normal self, tossing an arm around his shoulder in sincerest sympathy) I am sorry, my dear, but you didn’t choose quiet you chose fun.
Pai: Fun can also be had with an inside voice.
Me: Yes, but I never had an inside voice. Never. Not once. I never learned how.
Hank: (out of no where, sweetly) It’s easy, you just close your mouth.
(a half beat pause before the room erupts at the hilarity, forks hitting plates, napkins drifting to the floor)
Maria Miguel: AHAHAAHAHAHahhahhhhhahahahah!
Pai: Wow. That was… I mean the timing.
Me: (falling back against my chair, fanning myself with my napkin) Apply water to the affected area.
Hank: I didn’t mean… I was just… I wasn’t trying…
Me: (snapping back into mom mode) No. No no no no no, don’t you even worry about it for one second, Hank. You did not hurt my feelings. That was master level snark. Glorify in your moment! (almost rolling out of my chair laughing)
Hank: (worried and not liking all the attention)
Maria Miguel: (turning to Hank) How did you learn to do that? I mean, you’re nine. That was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Like, this could have been a scene in a movie.
Me: (back to pure Ethel) He’s a regular chip off the old block.
Pai: (deep sigh of a man who wishes for quiet but also loves the ruckus)
Molly: (positively purple from laughter) TA DAH! (and a show girl finish)
Pai: Oh no.
Me: Hold on to your hat, doll face. It’s gonna be two against one!