MacGyver Tools


Hank: Excuse me?

Me: Diga (tell me).

Hank:  This drawer in my Playmobil camper is stuck.  Papa says his hands are too big and wants you to try.

Me: My hands are tiny.  (flexing fingers) Let me have a look. (it is stuck) WOW!  (it is extremely stuck) Hank, do you have superglue?

Hank: No.

Me: Are you sure?

Hank: There is no superglue in my room.

Me: (frustrated) Ok.  You are going to have to make a choice: Katy Perry or me getting this drawer open.  I can only do one annoying thing at a time.

Hank: Drawer, please.

Me: (turning off ROAR which has been playing on repeat for an hour)

Hank: Can I help?

Me: What did you put in this drawer?

Hank: I have no idea.  I have not opened it for days.

Me: I need unconventional MacGyver tools.


Me: … paper clips, magnifying glass, lard, pipe cleaners, a flashlight that can be held in my teeth, tesoura (scissors), gum, duct tape, can of air, and Mentos.

Hank: Mentos?

Me: This is so very stuck and frustrating it will require candy.

Hank: I will get all the things.

Me: (facedesk)



During Homework


Hank: Mama?

Me: Hum?

Hank: During the movie last night the adultos (adults) were all so scared.  If I saw a dragon I wouldn’t be scared.  They are special and magic and bring you luck!

Me: That is a true thing. And all of those adultos owe Pete an apology, because they didn’t believe his dragon was real.

Hank: And the dragon helps them light the…

Me: Lighthouse?

Hank: Yes!  Mama, is that movie a DVD?

Me: Pete’s Dragon? You bet! It’s a classic.

Hank: Mama, may I get up for just one minute and do small dance?

Me: Absolutely.


While Reading


Me: “They passed the greengrocer…” Do you know what a greengrocer is?

Hank: No.

Me: Uma Frutaria.

Hank: Ok. (whispers) Keep going I want to get to Miss Honey’s…  What’s it called again?

Me: Cottage. A cottage is a cute, small home normally on a farm or in the woods.

Hank: I want to go there in my imagination.  I am so excited.

Me: “They passed the greengrocer with his window full of apples and oranges, and the butcher with bloody lumps of meat on display and naked chickens hanging up…” (giggling)

Hank: WHAT? Naked chickens?!? (laughing)

Me: (holding in the hilarity) Think about it.

Hank: Wait…  you mean (hysterical) They are naked because they have no feathers?!

Me: (doubled over the book rioting in laughter) EXACTLY!  They’re totally naked CHICKENS!  I never thought of that before.

Hank: (positively purple) Naked Chickens!!!!!

Me: (tears streaming down my face)

Hank: I love this BOOK!!!