Pai: Ok. I’m back.
Pai: You were right. It was an impossible mission.
Me: WHY!!!!! PORTUGAL YOU HAVE FAILED ME!
Hank: (scrubbed, bathtub wrinkled, in pajamas) What was impossible?
Me: I can’t explain I am too devastated.
Pai: Hank, when a woman is pregnant there are times when they have uncontrollable cravings for random foods and until they eat that food there is no peace in the house. You mother is having a craving, but they do not sell beef jerky in Portugal.
Hank: Oh no!
Pai: But I have done my best to find the next best thing at almost 10 pm on a Sunday. Tomorrow I can drive to the American Store in Porto and get your mommy beef jerky.
Me: (weepy) Really?
Hank: Oh! Can you get me Mint M&M’s and Root Beer?
Pai: Yes to all the things, BUT for tonight… I have: pretzels, tortilla chips and Old El Paco Queso Dip.
Hank: What is Queso?
Pai: I think it is suppose to be cheese.
Me: (weeping crocodile tears) This is why I married you. (sobbing) I love you so much.
Pai: Ok, Hank. Time to leave mommy alone with her snacks. How about two chapters in your book?
Hank: (walking out of the room) Papa, why is that cheese orange? Cheese isn’t orange. Cheese is white like milk.
Pai: I don’t know. It is an American thing.