Embrace the Weird

conversations with hank


Me: Helllllooooo little Molly McGoooooo!

Molly: (Huge smile, happy as a squirrel)

Me: (picking her up from her crib) Yes! I love (sniff) ewwwwww. Wow! Oh GAWD.

Hank: What is it?

Me: Your sister. (making the face of something smells bad)

Hank: What’s wrong.

Me: She smells terrible.

Hank: (giggling)

Me: Oh man. (walking to the changing table)

Hank: She pooped didn’t she?

Me: Either that or she has spoiled and we need to take her to the doctor for tests.

Hank: (giggling) It’s normal.

Molly: (super cute and smiling)

Me: Yes and no. Your sister smells like hot poop soup. (shuddering) I don’t think I can change this one.

Hank: You can do it, mama!

Me: (completely grossed out) Oh good lord, Amália. What did you eat? I can’t. Hank, you do it.

Hank: (getting a chair) We will do it together.

Me: I just don’t’ understand the level of funk that flows out this child.

Hank: Mama, stop. Open the diaper.

Me: (taking a deep breath) You’re right. Embrace the weird. Everyone has something weird about them, right? (opening the diaper)

Hank and I together: Ewwwwwwwwwww

Molly: (looking concerned then deciding against it and going back to giddy)

Me: I have my weird ability to remember stories, songs and faces. (practically gagging) Molly can clear a room with her farts. What’s your weird, Hank?

Hank: (thinking, handing me diaper wipes) Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe it is smells because this diaper doesn’t bother me at all. I know it is gross, but I can handle it.

Me: Yup. That is weird.

Hank: (to Molly) Hot poop soup doesn’t bother me. Nope. No, it doesn’t McGoo.

Molly: (utterly in love with her brother’s attention)

Me: Awesome. Embrace the weird by taking this diaper to the laundry room for me then.


Next Book?

conversations with hank


Hank: Mama, Papa says he is taking the iPad 2 to get fixed tomorrow.

Me: Yup. We have officially saved the money to get the screen replaced.

Hank: And you neeeeeeed the iPad 2 for work.

Me: Yes. I use the iPad to read my books.  Now I can finally have my book reading at your school and launch Shoe Mice. I have been talking to some people about making an event where we make shoe mice and magic and read the story. And I think I will call the English speaking schools in Braga and Porto.

Hank: I love this. (pause) When is your next new book coming out, mama?

Me: I don’t actually know.

Hank: But you have lots of books.

Me: That I do.

Hank: I don’t understand.

Me: My contract with my publisher was for two books. Those books were Billy Blankenstooth and Shoe Mice. Now I need to sign a new contract.

Hank: Oh that is easy.

Me: (smiling) Until then I will keep writing and writing and writing.

Hank: (thinking) Mama, can I realize your next story?

Me: Nope, but you can realize your own story and I will help you.

Hank: Really?

Me: Always.


Bad Habits

conversations with hank


Me: (reading the news paper) Shit.

Hank: (playing Xbox) Mama!

Me: Sorry, Hank. (not looking up) Just not a good piece of news.

Hank: But you can say something else.

Me: I know, my swearing is a bad habit.

Hank: Now I want to say it, too. That word is floating around in my brain (frantically pushing buttons) and my game is really difficult.

Me: I will relish the day we can both freely say “shit” together, but today is not that day.

Hank: (continued frantic button pushing)