Me: (extreme bedhead, walking into the living room with my coffee)
Molly: (delighted) Mama!
Molly: Cozinha (Kitchen) House!
Hank: (sitting and playing with his sister) That is what Amália calls the pretend padaria (bakery).
Me: (smiling, sipping my coffee) Makes sense.
Hank: That is technically what a padaria (bakery) is.
Molly: Pão (bread)! Yummy!
Me: (suddenly, smelling the smell, displeased)
Hank: (also smelling the smell) Amália?
Molly: (focused, playing, showing no outward signs) Mano (brother)?
Hank: Amália, did you poop?
Molly: (not looking up from her dolls) Não (no).
Me: (taking the rest of my coffee like a shot of whisky, preparing for battle) She’s lying.
Hank: Molly, you totally pooped.
Molly: (serious) Me, não (no). (holding out her tiny duck toy) Qua-Qua (quack-quack) pooped. Fuuuuuuuuu (making a face like something smells bad). Me no pooped. (shaking her head no) Me não (no).
Hank: I’ll get supplies. (rushing out of the room)
Me: Classic, move Amália. Blame a defenseless teenie-tiny duck. That’s low.
Molly: Qua-Qua pooped. (nodding yes)
Hank: (returning with a diaper and some wipes) Mama, is it me or does Molly poop a lot?
Me: Thank you for the diaper, buddy, and it isn’t you. Your sister is a supreme pooper.
Molly: Poop! (bouncing on her heels) Pão (bread)! (force feeding the teeny-tiny duck a baguette twice it’s size)
Me: I even asked our family doctor if pooping four times a day is normal.
Hank: FOUR! Four times. She poops four times a day.
Me: (nodding at the injustice) Most days. She says that it is perfectly normal and Molly is super healthy.
Me: Exactly. Ms. MaGoo?
Molly: (knowing what awaits her) Não (no).
Me: I will change the Qua-Qua (toy duck)’s diaper first, then it is your turn.
Molly: (delighted, nodding, offering up her teenie-tiny toy duck) Qua-Qua fralda SIM! (Duck diaper YES).
Me: Then you.
Molly: (defeated) Tá bem (okay).
Hank: (still in shock) Four times!
Me: (sitting cross legged on the floor changing an imaginary teenie-tiny duck’s diaper) Supreme POOPER!