Article

My Tantrum

Hank and Molly Playing Ballerina

Hank and Molly Playing Ballerina

 

Me: (opening the oven to find I have burned the garlic bread at the end of a long and painful RA/AS day) GOD BLESS! GAWD DAMN BLESS IT! AHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRGGGHHHH!

Pai: (rushing in) What is it?

Me: EVERYTHING!

Pai But what happened? Are you hurt?

Me: No, I burned the GAWD BLESSED GARLIC BREAD!

Pai: Is that all?

Me: Babe, that isn’t all. I am at the end of my rope. I am running on less than empty.  I was standing here watching the oven SO THIS WOULDN’T HAPPEN AND IT HAPPENED IN FRONT OF MY FACE AND I WAS TOO BRAIN DEAD TO NOTICE!!! ARGH! I am fully done and my body is too busy fighting itself to give fuel to my brain so I AM DOING STUPID THINGS LIKE BURNING THE FLIPPING GARLIC BREAD I SPENT THE LAST 20 MINUTES MAKING WHEN THE TOTALITY OF THIS MEAL OTHERWISE TOOK NINE MINUTES.

Pai: (picking up the tray of half burnt garlic toast to throw it away)

Me: NOOOOOOOO! STOP! I CAN SAVE MOST OF IT I AM JUST SO DAMN DONE.

Pai: (creepy calm) If you don’t stop yelling I swear this burnt bread will go over the side of the veranda to feed birds, so help me.

Molly: (toddling into the kitchen, arms in the air, yelling and walking strain over to me) Olha! Olha! Olha! (Look! Look! Look!)

Hank: (following behind her silently)

Molly: Mama mad at Papa? (putting her little hands on my knees looking up at me) Mad? Mama mad?

Me: (deep breath)

Pai:

Me: No, Molly, I am not mad at your papa.

Molly: Mama mad. (nodding)

Me: (getting on her level) Mama is mad, baby. Mama was mad. I need to calm down.

Molly: Tem calma, mãe. (Calm down, mama)

Me: (pulling Molly into a big hug) Thank you, Moo-Moo.  I am sorry, Alfredo.

Pai: You’ve got to learn to ask for help.

Me: I know.

Molly: (petting my hair) It’s okay, mama. Tem calma (calm down).

Me: Thank you, Molly. Thank you for your help.

Molly: Okay. (job done, toddles off singing) Please, no thank you. Please, no thank you. Please, please, please, please, no thank you.

Me: (hugging Pai)

Pai: (hugging me back) You okay? Do you need to lay down? Are you in too much pain? I can finish.

Me: No, no. I’m better. I just need five minutes then we can eat.

Hank: (having stayed silent and taken in the my tantrum declares) Well done, mom. You didn’t use a single palavrão (swear word)!

Me: HA! I didn’t?

Pai: Well, that’s a first!

Hank: Your learning, mama. I’m proud of you and I will set the table.

Me: Thanks, Hank.

Hank: And I don’t mind my garlic bread a little burnt.

Me: (throwing my arm around his shoulder) How’d I get so lucky to have you for my kid?

Hank: Because I picked you. I knew you were the mom for me and I picked you. You’re my choice. (walking away with the plates toward the table)

Me: (smiling, wincing back tears while using kitchen sheers to cut off the burnt edges of the garlic bread)