(on the drive home from the countryside)
Me: (deep satisfied sign) Conçesão’s house is my dream house. I am so happy for her.
Pai: A country house is not my dream, personally, but I am also very happy for her.
Hank: What is your dream house, papa?
Pai: An apartment in Lisbon, in the right neighborhood, in an older building, but one that has a reliable elevator for your mother.
Me: That also doesn’t sound bad.
Pai: And when your mother sells her novel to Hollywood and she makes her millions then we can also buy a country house in the North for her to write.
Me: On a quiet country lane with bees buzzing and…
Molly: Vaca faz xixi! Vaca faz xixi, mãe! MÃE! (The cow peed! The cow peed, mom! MOM!)
Me: She did indeed, didn’t she! My lands!
Molly: Que Nojo (disgusting)!
Hank: (doubled over laughing)
Me: That will be ingrained in her memory forever.
Hank: I have never seen anything like that. That cow peed for like 20 minutes.
Pai: Cows are large animals.
Me: You most certainly have seen magnificent peeing in the past but you may not remember our trip to the Lisbon Zoo where a rhinoceros decided to also relieve his bladder right in front of us.
Hank: I remember none of this.
Me: It was like a fire hose of urine. Positively majestic.
Molly: VACA FAZ XIXI!!! FAZ XXXIIIXXXIIII! MAMA! (THE COW PEEEEEEED! PEEEEEEED! MAMA!)
Me: I hear you, little one. There were bees buzzing and birds chirping and you pet a horse and saw sheep and chickens and ducks and dogs and ran amuck with big boys, but all you will remember from this day is that cow pissing because…
Pai: ONLY IN THE COUNTRYSIDE! In Lisbon there are only pissing rhinoceros.
Me: They should market that.
Pai: Don’t be mean to Lisbon.
Me: Hipster paradise.