Hank: (packing his day into three bags: a gym bag, a small satchel and a backpack like a Sherpa about to climb to basecamp one)
Me: Do you have a snack? Today is a 5:30 day.
Hank: I don’t. I forgot.
Me: Where are your (generic) tupperware from yesterday’s snack?
Hank: (freezes) I don’t know.
Me: Were they in your backpack?
Me: Did you bring them home?
Hank: Um… I don’t know, maybe one, but the other I may have probably left at school maybe… I think?
Me: You think or you know?
Me: Retrace your steps.
Hank: (without hesitation, not thinking back) I left it at school. It’s gone. (flippant) Sorry.
Me: No, not sorry. Whoa, did you really leave that tupperware at school?
Hank: I don’t know.
Me: Then why did you just say you did, because that isn’t cool, Hank. Don’t just give me a quick convenient answer. Answer my question. Where is your tupperware from yesterday? Retrace your steps.
Me: (adopting the annoying voice some YouTubers make) Yah, my mom is like totes frustrating, too. Especially when she’s wanting to like know where items of the house that cost, like money, are left so they can like be reclaimed and used more than once. (exaggerated sigh) Here are three ways to answer your mom’s annoying questions when you don’t have an answer to give. Enjoy the video…
Hank: I came home with I think one of them and I ate the rest of my snack after school.
Me: And then you put the tupperware in the sink?
Hank: Or maybe Papa did. Mom, I don’t know.
Me: Why are we having an argument about this?
Hank: I don’t know and I have to go!
Me: Then lets start over and get this right.
Me: Hank, where is the tupperware you took to school yesterday?
Hank: (exhale) I ate some of my snack at school and the rest in the living room after school before I did my homework, but I didn’t put the tupperware in the sink after like I’m supposed to, so I think maybe papa put it into the dishwasher.
Me: (opening the dishwasher, find both offending plastic containers)
Hank: (throwing his arms in the air annoyed) Why couldn’t you have just done that, like, five minutes ago?
Me: (packing him a snack for school) Why couldn’t you simply answer my question to the best of your abilities the first time instead of just feeding me the quickest answer to pop into your head?
Hank: I don’t know.
Hank: I’m sorry.
Me: Thanks, here is your snack.
Hank: (taking off his backpack to put his snack inside) I’ve gotta go. I won’t lose the tupperwear and I’ll make sure it is in the sink after school.
Me: My wallet and I would appreciate that.
Hank: I mean, I get what you’re doing. You’re teaching me a lesson. I do know that. It’s just… next time can it be, like, way before I will feel late to school.
Me: Life doesn’t plan its stress around your schedule, Hank. You have to learn how to not let stress get a rise out of you.
Hank: I’ve gotta go. (kissing me on the cheek)
Me: Have a good day.
Hank: Thanks, mom, you too. (walking out the door)
Me: (leaning into my coffee)