Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That

Apparently, we have all been doing this wrong.

Apparently, we have all been doing this wrong.


(walking in to find Hank and his Pai (dad) in absolute hysterics)

Me: What in the world is this funny that you aren’t sharing it with me?

Pai: (literal tears streaming down his face) The Kardashians.

Me: Come again?

Hank: (practically hyperventilating) I am showing Pai (dad) how the Kardashians arrange their cookie jars.

Me: Am I in a parallel universe?

Pai: (pointing to Hank’s phone, blissfully overwhelmed) And how they eat Kit-Kats!

Me: Because they don’t eat Kit-Kat’s like the rest of us?

Pai: NO! (riots of laughter)

Hank: Mom, you have no idea.

Pai: They disassemble the Kit-Kat and eat it one layer at a time!

Me: Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Hank: And they put their cookies in a cookie jar like this (shows me his phone paused on a YouTube video).

Me: What the? Wait, how many cookies does it take to fill one jar?

Pai: Four and a half packages!

Me: Shut your face!

Hank: No, he’s right! She tells you how many in the video.

Me: First World Problems!

Pai: But I don’t understand why they do this because once exposed to the air the cookies go stale.

Hank: Well, they don’t really eat the cookies. They’re more for display.

Me: But they eat Kit-Kats apparently.

Pai: Everyone needs a vice.

Me: Bless their precious hearts.

Hank: Mom, you’ve gotta see this.

Me: Nope. Once lost I will never get that time back and I’d rather spend it reading a good book. She can go on and arrange her cookies, no judgement!

Pai: (still recovering, dabbing his eyes and giggling)

Hank: But mom it’s soooooooo funny!

Me: You do you, boys. Enjoy!

Pai: (returning to gut bending hysterics) Four and a half packages of cookies!


Wishing You All A Very Merry Unbirthday

This is what 38 looks like.

This is what 38 looks like.


Pai: Is everything on the table that needs to be on the table?

Me: I’m happy.

Hank: Amália needs a water glass.

Pai: Okay, anything else?

Hank: No.

Me: Nope.

Pai: (returning with said water glass) Great, now we can start the birthday!

Me: Hurray!

Hank: Happy birthday, mom.

Me: Thanks, buddy.

Molly: It your birthday?

Me: Yes, today is my birthday, Ms. Molly MaGoo.

Molly: (pouting) Awe, I want it my birthday, too! Share?

Me: You would like me to share my birthday with you?

Molly: (perks up) YAH!

Me: Well, I’d be honored. Happy Unbirthday, Amália!

Pai: Happy Un-Birthday, filha (daughter)!

Hank: (whispers in my ear) But mom, do you think it is a good idea to make her think it is also her birthday, I mean, this is your day.

Me: Trust me, it’s perfectly fine. Today is also your unbirthday.

Hank: Wait, un-birthday? (catching on) Ohhhh.

Me: (winking at him, singing) Aaaaaaaaaa very merry unbirthday to you!

Molly: To me?

Me: Yes, you! (turning to Hank) A very merry unbirthday to you!

Hank: There is a song for this?

Me: (singing) Now blow the candle out my dear and make your wish come true!

Hank: Is this a real song or are you making it up?


Pai: Haven’t we learn yet that with your mother there is always a song.




Happy Birthday to ME!



Me: (walking to the kitchen to get coffee, eyes not yet open)

Hank: Happy Birthday, mom!

Me: Thank you, buddy.

Hank: Good morning! I am so glad it’s your birthday.

Me: Me, too.

Hank: Are you being sarcastic.

Me: Not at all! I love my birthday; one more trip around the sun.

Hank: You’re 38!

Me: Indeed, isn’t it wonderful!

Hank: I love that you love your birthday so much. Some moms don’t like getting older.

Me: Yes, but I am not some moms. (inhaling my coffee) I am grateful to age. Unfortunately, I have many friends that will never have the opportunity to be 38. I am so very lucky to live this life every single day and my birthday is the day I get to love my life out loud and celebrate how awesome it is to be me!

Hank: I didn’t know you thought about birthdays that way.

Me: Every day I get to wake up and hang out with you, enjoy this beautiful place where we are fortunate to live, laugh with your sister and be adored by your papa. I have amazing friends and family, my life is rich with creative pursuits and food and and the internet is full of puppy videos and no matter how hard I try I will never be able to read all the books I want to read and see all the places I want to see or all the films or plays, but every year I get a chance to try.




Me: You’re thinking rather loudly.

Hank: It’s just… I mean, your life is also hard, too.

Me: Everyone’s life is hard. Every person has their own struggles and we can’t compare our life to anyone else’s. You only get this one wild and magical life to be you. My life isn’t easy, but it’s worth it and I love it.

Hank: I love you, mom.

Me: I love you, buddy.

Hank: I am so happy it’s your birthday!

Me: It’s my birthday!!!!!!!!!