Me: (opening the front door) He’s home!
Hank: (defeated, exhausted) Hi mom.
Me: How was your day?
Hank: (slumping into the house, shedding his coat, backpack, pulling his sweater over his head) Long.
Me: Today was your first full day; 8:30-5:30 is a rough schedule.
Hank: Like an adult at work, but we had three 15 breaks and lunch was an hour and a half. I really like lunch at my school and I found there is a supply store.
Me: Oh yah?
Hank: It’s so good mom. I went ahead and got my sheet music note book and another notebook I found out I needed today for only €0.40 each.
Me: Whoa, savvy shopper!
Hank: Right! From now on I will get my stationary (school supplies) there except for my pens because you know I have brand loyalty.
Me: Word. Can I get you a snack? Dinner isn’t for another hour and a half.
Hank: I would love a fresh (cold) glass of water. I am dehydrated.
Me: Coming right up.
Hank: (slumping on the kitchen step stool) Mama, something weird happened when I was buying my notebooks.
Hank: When I was at the counter talking to the funcionária (school assistant) these 8th grade girls walk in and came up to me and said I was cute.
Me: Oh, honey that can happen when you get to your new school because now you are the little kids and not the big kids anymore.
Hank: No, mom, you don’t understand. They didn’t call me fofinho (cute, fluffy) or engraçado (sweet) they saw me and said tão giro (very cute, as in hot, as in kissable).
Me: Well… that’s new. (handing him his water) Is this the first time anyone has ever called you giro (hot).
Me: How did that make you feel?
Hank: Weird. It was all very weird. I was like trying to buy notebooks and they were all, “Olha para ele! Olha!”(Look at him! Look!) Now I know how girls feel when men um… how do you say it when a man flirts, but like when he does it and it is too strong or not wanted or gross?
Me: Objectify, to be Objectified.
Hank: Yes! I get that feeling now because they were, like, looking at me. You know?
Me: I know the feeling. What did you do? Did you say anything?
Hank: (taking a long drink of his water) Yah, of course. I didn’t say anything funny or anything. I mean life isn’t a show on Fox Comedy, but I rolled my eyes because I thought it was the right occasion for it and said, “Deixa-me en pax, se faz favor.” (Leave me in peace, please)
Me: (slapping my hand over my mouth to stifle riots of laughter)
Hank: What?! MOM!
Me: (shaking my head no, swallowing all emotion, failing miserably)
Hank: Was that the wrong thing to say? (suddenly awash in worry) Oh gawd.
Me: No, Hank. Ignore me. Seriously, I wasn’t prepared for this conversation quite yet. (gaining my composure) That was the absolute perfect thing to say.
Hank: Well, it worked. They didn’t bother me again for the rest of the day and my friends, who happen to be girls, said it was the right thing to do.
Me: I agree. Well played.
Hank: I am just not into all the drama of dating an older girl, ya’ know? (jumping off the step stool, handing me his glass, inspecting the fruit bowl, selecting an apple, taking a large bite and walking out of the kitchen)
Me: HA! Don’t rule out that Fox Comedy gig, buddy. (chuckling) Your timing is impeccable. (taking his glass to the sink, shaking my head) On point!