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Savage

Gummy Bears were hurt in the process of writing this blog

Gummy Bears were hurt in the process of writing this blog

 

Me: Hank?

Hank: Yah?

Me: Why are there gummy bears on the living room door?

Hank: What?

Me: A pair of gummy bears is sitting on my living room door.

Hank: Hold on (abandons his homework). What the…

Me: I know, right! Did you do this?

Hank: No, I don’t even like gummy candy.

Me: Amália Sofia?

Molly: (in her bedroom) Sim?

Me: Can you come here, please?

Molly: I coming! (running into the living room, curls bouncing) I here!

Hank: Amália, how did these gummy bears sit on this door? Was it you?

Me: Was it the fairies?

Molly: OH! Those my friends. I no eat them. I love them.

Hank: Awe, that is so sweet.

Molly: (bouncing away) I eat them tomorrow.

Me: (riots of laughter)

Hank: You know what that was mom? That was savage. My sister is savage.

Me: (nodding, totally in love with my life)

Article

A Historic Day

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Me: Y’all… Dinner!

Pai: (walking in with a sick, sleepy Molly in his arms having just woken up from her 4th nap of the day) Look who I found.

Me: Well, hello chicken! Did you have a nice sleep?

Molly: (face still pillow creased) Good morning! It morning time.

Pai: It is actually dinnertime. (putting Molly in her chair)

Me: Do we need anything else to come to the table. Where’s Hank?

Hank: (from down the hall) I’m in the bathroom.

Pai: (sigh)

Molly: (racked with coughing, not covering her mouth)

Pai: Amália, remember? (placing his face into the crux of his elbow)

Me: (doing the same but more for protection as my medications for RA/AS result in a suppressed immune system) When we cough or sneeze we…

Molly: (following suit, muffled) Put in cor-too-velo (cotovelo, elbow)

Pai: She says it wrong just like you.

Me: At least she can say elbow in two languages.

Pai: Almost. (smiling) Cotovelo, filha, CO-TO-velo (elbow, daughter, EL-bow).

Molly: (coughing into her soup)

Me: HANK?

Hank: (within earshot) COMING!

Me: I’m going to put a “No Loitering” sign in the bathroom.

Pai: (exhausted sigh, half serious) Is it wrong that I just want them to go to sleep right now? Am I a horrible person?

Me: (oozing with sarcasm) Listen, we only have to pretend to like them on weekends.

Hank: (sitting down at the table with his phone to his ears) Hey girl, listen, I have to go. Yah, I have to eat dinner with my parents and pretend I think they’re funny. Right. I KNOW. Yah, totally. (laughing) Okay. For sure! Later, bye. (puts the phone down dramatically, picks up his napkin with a flourish and places it in his lap, raised eyebrow, oozing with sass)

Me:

Pai:

Molly: (slurping her soup)

Me: (hand to my heart, momentarily speechless)

Hank: (panicking) What? You know that was a joke, right? My phone’s not even on.

Pai: And you don’t have any friends who speak English with you. (chuckling) We get it. That was great.

Me: (overly dramatic and sincere) I hoped this day would come, I dreamed of it, but you never know, you know?

Pai: Some people are born without a sense of humor.

Me: (slow clap)

Pai: (joining me) Well, done.

Me: (half getting up) Excuse me while I go apply water to that burn.

Pai: Don’t the kids say, “Awe snap,” in these moments?

Me: Bravo.

Hank: (proud, diving into his soup)

Me: (diving into my soup) That was funny.

Pai: (diving into his soup) That was so funny.

Molly: (oblivious, picking up her soup bowl and chugging the rest of her soup) All done. How the day? How the day, papa? How the day, mano? How the day, mama? (coughing into her elbow)

Me: Historic, MaGoo. Today was positively historic, thank you for asking.

Hank: (beaming)

Molly: Oh, that good. That a good day.

Article

Moussaka

In the end practically all was eaten and enjoyed by all.

In the end practically all was eaten and enjoyed by all.

 

Hank: (emerging from studying for his English test) What is this amazing smell?

Me: Moussaka! It’s Greek.

Pai: Apparently it’s like Greek empadão.

Me: And empadão is like Portuguese shepherd’s pie.

Hank: Just promise me there is no zucchini.

Me: I promise you there is no zucchini.

Hank: Then what is this part.

Me: Eggplant.

Hank: What is eggplant again?

Pai: Berinjela (eggplant).

Hank: (suspect)

Me: (war weary eye-roll from the years and years it took Hank eat anything) Listen, I too have never had moussaka, but I’m going to dive in. If you like the smell you’re going to like the taste.

Hank: Oh, I am going to try it. I don’t want to be disrespectful. I know I have eaten eggplant in soups and sauces and stuff I’m just (takes a bite and chews).

Me: (holding my breath)

Pai: This is good.

Hank: This is good, but the eggplant is not my favorite.

Me: (exhausted last ditch effort) The whole dish tastes of eggplant. There is no avoiding the flavor of eggplant.

Hank: I love the flavor of the eggplant, but it’s well… (choosing his words carefully) I am going to have to put eggplant in the mushroom category.

Pai: What does that mean?

Me: (surrender) It means it is a texture thing. Like mushrooms if made in certain ways he will enjoy it but this way…

Hank: It is gummy and I hate it in my mouth and it makes me want to vomit. The flavor is great but no, just no. But mom, I love the filling.

Me: And I love the eggplant so let’s swap.

Hank: This is why you’re my best mom.

Me: (deep exhausted sigh paired with a smile)

Molly: Hey, wats that? (pointing to her plate)

Me: (dividing my filling and Hank’s eggplant between the two of us) ROUND TWO!

Pai: It’s called moussaka.

Molly: (dramatic surprise) It’s minhocas (worms)?

Me: (cough to cover up my laughter)

Hank: (giggling)

Pai: No Amália, it’s like empadão. It’s very good.

Molly: No pai, loooooook. Look! It’s minhocas (worms)! Tem muitos minhocas (It has a lot of worms)!

Pai: That is eggplant, filha (daughter). Provar (try it).

Molly: (super suspect)