Photo by: Molly

Photo by: Molly


(10am on a Saturday morning)

Me: (my day having started 4 hours before) MaGoo?

Molly: (in her room with the blankets pulled over her head)

Me: Ms. Molly MaGoo, do you plan on spending the whole day in bed?

Molly: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Me: (sitting on the floor next to her bed saying nothing)

Molly: Mama, go away. I sweeping.

Me: You’re sweeping?

Molly: Yes, I sweeping.

Me: You’re sweeping the floor? Must be sweeping in your dreams because you’re not sweeping this floor and your papa, mano (brother) and I would love help with the housework.

Molly: (dramatically tosses the covers off, full sass and disappointment)

Me: (still in love with my pun) Are you sweeping or are you sleeping?

Molly: (scrunches her face up like something smells bad) Mama, no. (tosses covers back over her head)

Pai: (from the hallway) You’re definitely Grandpa Snitche’s daughter. That was a Bern joke. That was painful.

Me: What?!

Hank: (from the hallway) I agree, mom. Too early, even for me!

Molly: Mama, I love you, go away. (sticking her hand out the blankets, waving) Bye-bye.

Pai: Now, that was funny. That is comedy.

Me: (joining them in the hallway) The student has surpassed the master!

Hank: But is she really your student? I mean, Amália is a different kind of funny. Different than you, I mean, you’re funny, but she’s like way funny, you know?


Molly: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I sweeping in here!

(all three of us riot with laughter)

Molly: Awe, come on guys!


Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That

Apparently, we have all been doing this wrong.

Apparently, we have all been doing this wrong.


(walking in to find Hank and his Pai (dad) in absolute hysterics)

Me: What in the world is this funny that you aren’t sharing it with me?

Pai: (literal tears streaming down his face) The Kardashians.

Me: Come again?

Hank: (practically hyperventilating) I am showing Pai (dad) how the Kardashians arrange their cookie jars.

Me: Am I in a parallel universe?

Pai: (pointing to Hank’s phone, blissfully overwhelmed) And how they eat Kit-Kats!

Me: Because they don’t eat Kit-Kat’s like the rest of us?

Pai: NO! (riots of laughter)

Hank: Mom, you have no idea.

Pai: They disassemble the Kit-Kat and eat it one layer at a time!

Me: Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Hank: And they put their cookies in a cookie jar like this (shows me his phone paused on a YouTube video).

Me: What the? Wait, how many cookies does it take to fill one jar?

Pai: Four and a half packages!

Me: Shut your face!

Hank: No, he’s right! She tells you how many in the video.

Me: First World Problems!

Pai: But I don’t understand why they do this because once exposed to the air the cookies go stale.

Hank: Well, they don’t really eat the cookies. They’re more for display.

Me: But they eat Kit-Kats apparently.

Pai: Everyone needs a vice.

Me: Bless their precious hearts.

Hank: Mom, you’ve gotta see this.

Me: Nope. Once lost I will never get that time back and I’d rather spend it reading a good book. She can go on and arrange her cookies, no judgement!

Pai: (still recovering, dabbing his eyes and giggling)

Hank: But mom it’s soooooooo funny!

Me: You do you, boys. Enjoy!

Pai: (returning to gut bending hysterics) Four and a half packages of cookies!


How was your day?

conversations with hank


Pai: (walking out of the living room, frazzled) Molly’s up. I am running late. Can you somehow manage to get her dressed, fed and her lunch packed in about 20 minutes?

Me: (calm, cool and collected) No problem.

Pai: (dashing off to get ready) Thanks, sorry, you’re the best.

Me: (entering the living room)

Molly: (rolled into a blanket on the sofa with a major case of bedhead)

Me: Good morning, MaGoo.

Molly: Good morning. I hungry.

Me: I’ll go fetch you a yogurt and be right back.

Molly: WAIT!

Me: Yes?

Molly: Wait, mama. How your day, mama? How your day?

Me: I am having a lovely morning, thank you. How is your day so far, Amália?

Molly: (gigantic yawn) I wake up. I no faz chi-chi (pee) in my fralda (diaper). I hungry. I go to Tia’s house (Nanny’s). (nodding)

Me: That sounds like an excellent day, lovie.

Molly: Yah, egg-sealent.

Me: Shall I get your breakfast now?

Molly: No.

Me: But papa is in a rush this morning. He has class. We’ve gotta hustle.

Molly: Me, too? Me too, have class with papa? I go to school?

Me: You will go to school in September.

Molly: September tomorrow?

Me: Not quite.

Molly: (fat tears tumble down her face) NO! School tomorrow! School tomorrow, okay mama?

Me: (walking over to the sofa) I am sorry school isn’t tomorrow, MaGoo.

Molly: (crying into my fleece bathrobe)

Me: BUT at Tia’s house you can play school! You can pretend school with Ariana!

Molly: Yah?

Me: Yah. One of you can be the teacher and the other the student and then you switch.

Molly: I the teacher, mama. Me! I teacher.

Me: Alright, you can be the teacher.

Molly: I teacher skeletons.

Me: You’re going to teach Ariana about skeletons?

Molly: Yah. I hungry.

Me: Would you like to come to the kitchen with me and teach me how to open your yogurt?

Molly: (delighted) YAH! I misk it! I misk it, mama.

Me: Perfect.

Molly: (toddling off, curls bouncing) Come on, mama! Papa rush. Come on! We hustle!