Thanks to Our Resident Buccaneer

conversations with hank buccaneer


(the morning after Molly literally kicked Hank out of his bed in the middle of the night and claimed it as her own like a bite-sized buccaneer)

Me: (entering the kitchen for coffee, only one eye open)

Hank: (sitting up in the guest room/my office bed, sipping hot chocolate gazing out the window)

Me: Good morning, Hank.

Hank: Good morning, mama! Do you want to make your coffee and meet me in here?

Me: I do! (push the correct buttons, add coffee and go stand in the doorway of the guest room/my office which is off the kitchen) How did you sleep after being so abruptly evicted from your own bed last night?
Hank: Honestly, that was the funniest thing that has ever happened to me.

Me: You’re such a good sport when it comes to Molly. I know it isn’t always easy having a three year old sister.

Hank: I love her so much it is easier than you think.

Me: You are Molly’s best big brother. (pausing to collect my coffee and enter the guest room/my office to sit on the opposite end of the bed from Hank) But you were warm enough? You slept well?

Hank: Mom, last night was the best. I love this room so much and I woke up without an alarm with the rain on the windows and I watched that for a long time before I got up and made myself a hot chocolate and the best part was I didn’t have to be quiet, I was able to turn the light on and not worry about waking up Amália and I didn’t have to use the light from my phone to find my slippers. I know we were talking about moving me to this room after Uncle Jesse’s visit, but mom, I mean I will wait, but do I have to go back? Can I just sleep in here until Uncle Jesse comes and then after?

Me: (realizing my kids are ready to have separate spaces and so grateful for the privilege to give them their own spaces) Well, Molly made it clear last night that she was ready to take over your big bed! Your bed has been proper hijacked.

Hank: She was so funny! I couldn’t stop laughing!

Me: She literally kicked you out of your bed then fell asleep.

Hank: And she slept all night?

Me: YES! I assumed she would be scared to sleep alone since you two have always shared a room, but she was fine. Not a peep!

Hank: Molly is brave, mom, she’s not like me.

Me: You’re also brave, Hank, no two people are alike and you will be brave for Molly in ways she isn’t able to be brave for you!

Hank: Are you okay with giving up your office? You can still use the desk when I am at school!

Me: Don’t you worry about me, pal. I can work anywhere.

Hank: I love this room. It is so cozy and special and I have been watching the pombos (pigeons) flying around and the swans over at the Casa (estate) across the street and everyone going into the hospital and to the bus stop; it’s just so peaceful. I understand why you love this room so much.

Me: (smiling and nodding)

Hank: This room just feels good.

Me: I’ve written two novels and countless children’s books in this room. I’ve written every single conversation for my blog, a clutch of travel articles, illustrated Billy Blankenstooth and made hundreds of drawings, day dreamed, emailed… I have worked here every day for the past six years and loved every minute.

Hank: No wonder I love it so much.


The Pooping Ant (A Conversation with Molly)

Forget what you know to be true! conversations with hank

Forget what you know to be true!


(watching nature documentaries)

Molly: MAMAMAMAMAMMAMAMAMAMAMA! Looook, it’s a pooping ant.

Me: (looking up from my book ) Oh wow, cool, a centipede.

Molly: No mama, not cente-peeeee! No pee, mama, poop! It’s a pooping ant!

Me: A pooping ant?

Molly: (definitive) Yes.

Me: Well then, I will be sure to alert the scientifit community that the centipede shall from this day forward be know as the pooping ant.

Molly: Thank you, mama. I love you so much.


Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That

Apparently, we have all been doing this wrong.

Apparently, we have all been doing this wrong.


(walking in to find Hank and his Pai (dad) in absolute hysterics)

Me: What in the world is this funny that you aren’t sharing it with me?

Pai: (literal tears streaming down his face) The Kardashians.

Me: Come again?

Hank: (practically hyperventilating) I am showing Pai (dad) how the Kardashians arrange their cookie jars.

Me: Am I in a parallel universe?

Pai: (pointing to Hank’s phone, blissfully overwhelmed) And how they eat Kit-Kats!

Me: Because they don’t eat Kit-Kat’s like the rest of us?

Pai: NO! (riots of laughter)

Hank: Mom, you have no idea.

Pai: They disassemble the Kit-Kat and eat it one layer at a time!

Me: Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Hank: And they put their cookies in a cookie jar like this (shows me his phone paused on a YouTube video).

Me: What the? Wait, how many cookies does it take to fill one jar?

Pai: Four and a half packages!

Me: Shut your face!

Hank: No, he’s right! She tells you how many in the video.

Me: First World Problems!

Pai: But I don’t understand why they do this because once exposed to the air the cookies go stale.

Hank: Well, they don’t really eat the cookies. They’re more for display.

Me: But they eat Kit-Kats apparently.

Pai: Everyone needs a vice.

Me: Bless their precious hearts.

Hank: Mom, you’ve gotta see this.

Me: Nope. Once lost I will never get that time back and I’d rather spend it reading a good book. She can go on and arrange her cookies, no judgement!

Pai: (still recovering, dabbing his eyes and giggling)

Hank: But mom it’s soooooooo funny!

Me: You do you, boys. Enjoy!

Pai: (returning to gut bending hysterics) Four and a half packages of cookies!