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Whole Body Eye Roll

Reenactment of Hank's whole body eye roll curtsey of Anderson Cooper

Slow motion reenactment of Hank’s whole body eye roll .

 

Hank: (bed head, whining) Moooooooooom.

Me: (nope. Just no.)

Hank: Maaamamma!

Me: How can I help you, Hank?

Hank: Mama, I went to sleep so late last night.

Me: Indeed, we all did. We had the teacher’s meeting at your school, no one expected that to be a two and a half hour meeting, then we collected you chickens from Amália’s ama’s (nanny’s) house, then we came home, ate a late dinner…

Hank: (whimper)

Me: Then explained in minute detail everything that was discussed in the meeting.

Hank: I can’t walk with papa and Amália this morning. I need to go back to sleep.

Me: No.

Hank: What?

Me: No. We all went to bed at the same time and we are all suffering for it, but you will cowboy-up…

Hank: (dead serious) I don’t understand what that means.

Me: You will pull on your big boy britches like the rest of us.

Hank: Mom, I don’t speak American English sometimes.

Me: You will make a better choice, get dressed and walk with your papa and Amália to Adriana’s (Molly’s nanny) house because she lives across the street from your new school and you need to practice the route.

Hank: But maaaamaaaaa!

Me: I said no. Now get dressed and I will make you an iced decaf coffee to carry with you, you can wear sunglasses so no one can tell you’re tired and I bet you five bucks your papa will buy you a café breakfast before he goes off towards the university and you head home.

Hank: Euros.

Me: Pardon?

Hank: You have to bet me five euros and not five bucks. This isn’t an American cowboy movie.

Me: Oh, we’re about to have a gunslinging showdown at the OK Corral if you keep sassing me. I get to be Doc Holiday and you get to be one of the outlaws who’s names no one ever remembers.

Hank: (eye rolls with his whole body)

Me: (under my breath, walking away) I’ll show you the difference between bucks and euros. Land Sakes Alive, Imma gonna rename your room Tombstone, Arizona. Watch me.

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Lasagna

conversations with hank

 

Molly: (bursts into the bathroom) Good morning, mano (brother)!

Hank: (stepping out of the shower) Good morning, mana (sister)!

Molly: Mano, what’s that?

Hank: (drying his hair) What’s what?

Molly: (squatting down and pointing up) That?

Hank: Mana (sister), we’ve talked about this before, that is my penis.

Molly: (checking in her pants) Where’s my penis?

Hank: You don’t have a penis. You have a vagina.

Molly: Lasagna?

Hank: No, VA-GI-NA. Mano (brother) and Pai (dad) have penises and you and mama have vaginas.

Molly: (running into the living room where I am quietly enjoying my morning coffee finding this whole conversation hilarious) MAMA!

Me: Yes, my lovie?

Molly: Mama há (there is) lasagna?

Me: Yes, darling. Mama has a vagina.

Molly: Papa? Papa há (there is) lasagna?

Pai: (entering the conversation late) What are we talking about exactly?

Molly: (extremely smart and helpful) Uh, uh, uh… Mano e Pai (brother and dad) há (there is) penis. Mama and Amália há (there is) lasagna.

Pai:

Me: That is right! Well done.

Pai: Does she mean…?

Me: Absolutely.

Molly: (peeking into her pants again) Olha (look)! Lasagna!

Pai: Are we going to correct her?

Me: (sipping my coffee, chuckling) Oh yah, but not today.

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Shopping List Generation Gap

Hank has a friend over today for video game madness (hence the chips and drinks) but no matter what we're buying, in this house, we never forget to put love on the shopping list!

Hank has a friend over today for video game madness (hence the chips and drinks), but no matter what we’re buying, in this house, we never forget to put love on the shopping list!

 

Me: What are you doing?

Hank: (typing into his phone) Getting ready to go to the store for you.

Me: Lovely, but who are you texting at 9 o’clock in the morning?

Hank: No one.

Me: Then what are you typing?

Hank: The shopping list.

Me: But isn’t it already written on this paper? You can just take the list with you.

Hank: But I’d rather have it on my phone and then if I have a question I can call you.

Me: But isn’t that extra work since I already wrote you this list?

Hank: Oh! You’re right. I should just take a picture. Thanks, mom.

Me: (facepalm)

(Who else recites this girl’s list every time they enter a grocery store? Is it just me?)