A Conversation with Molly

If you look closely you can see her diva sleep mask peeking out from under the popcorn she then requested for breakfast. #SaturdayBrunch

If you look closely you can see her diva sleep mask peeking out from under the popcorn she requested for breakfast. #SaturdayBrunch


Molly: (chirping from her dark bedroom)

Me: MaGoo?

Molly: Nope, I sleeeeping.

Me: You are?

Molly: I sleeping, mama. Go away. (pregnant pause) Please.

Me: But the day has long begun.

Molly: (disappointed) Awe, no way.

Me: I’m coming in. Prepare yourself.

Molly: Wait, my mask!

Me: (turning on the light) Your what? (walk further into her bedroom to find my diva three year old, tucked warm under her covers wearing a velvet sleep mask) What in the world?

Molly: (giggling, pulling the sleep mask up on her forehead) Foi mano (Brother, did it)! I just like, mano (brother)!

Me: (sitting on the floor next to her bed) There is no one better you could be like, in my opinion.

Molly: Good morning, mama.

Me: Good morning, my littlest chicken. How was your sleeping?

Molly: Good. How your sleeping, mommy?

Me: Glorious.

Molly: (giggling) Gloreeeisssssssss!

Me: But now that we are both awake I am finally able to do my most very favorite thing in the whole world.

Molly: What that?

Me: Tickling Toddlers! (wiggle my fingers in her direction)

Molly: (eyes wide in terror) NO! No mama. Stop.


Molly: (dead serious) No mama. Cold hands. Cold hands. No.

Me: (rubbing my icy hands and fingers together)

Molly: Not now, mama. Later. Cold hands, um k?

Me: Okay.

Molly: We go play with small things. My favorite things small things. (bouncing out of bed and toddling off)

Me: (trying to warm life into my perpetually freezing hands, ready for spring)


A Lesson on Feminism at Sephora

This is what €119.48 looks like

This is what €119.48 looks like


(standing in line at Sephora)

Me: Thanks for suffering through this shopping trip with me, Hank.

Hank: Really, it’s fine, mom. I thought it was interesting and you were smart to come here first to try on all the shades of base (foundation). It was really hard to find your shade in Portugal.

Me: #palegirlproblems

Hank: That is a good hashtag, mom.

Me: Thanks, I’ve been practicing.

Hank: Plus, you had to get a lot of stuff.

Me: I really waited until the last possible minute to replenish my makeup and I have been budgeting for this trip. Normally, I wouldn’t have waited this long and added items slowly. Just wait for it; this is going to be a big bill.

Sephora Makeup Expert: €119.48

Hank: WHAT?

Me: (shaking my fist in the air and handing over my debit card) AND THIS IS ANOTHER REASON FEMINISM IS SO IMPERATIVE! Sure, I don’t have to wear makeup and as you know I only do so when I am in a professional setting, but it has been proven that women are taken more seriously and advanced above their female peers when they “best” present themselves and by “best” they mean with your hair done and a full face of make-up AND THESE THINGS COST MONEY yet there is a huge gender pay gap that we have to endure on top of these out of pocket costs.

Hank: That isn’t fair.

Me: True Story.

Gathering of Sephora Makeup Experts: (slow clapping, nodding in solidarity behind the counter)

Hank: (blushes realizing that our conversation was being overheard)

Me: Remember this conversation when you are of voting age and when you are in the workforce, Hank. You can advocate for merit based inclusive pay for all of your peers regardless of gender and always be aware that the out of pocket expense for women is always higher than men: hair, makeup and don’t even get me started on feminine hygiene products and bras! Am I right, ladies?

Gathering of Sephora Makeup Experts: (collectively nodding and each answering in Portuguese even though Hank and I had this conversation in English because feminism is a universal language) Pois. Claro. Força! Pois e. (Of course. Go ahead! Because it is.)

Me: Obrigado por a sua ajuda e até a próxima. (Thank you for your help and see you next time.)

Gathering of Sephora Makeup Experts: Obrigada nos! (We thank you!) Até a próxima! (see you next time) Tchau, Joy! (Goodbye, Joy) Tchau, Henrique. (Goodbye, Hank)

Hank: (waving goodbye) I want to change this. It isn’t fair.

Me: Me, too! Let’s work on changing it together.

Hank: (taking my Sephora bag form me and holding my hand even though he’s ten) And I like your makeup, mommy. You look beautiful everyday, but the makeup you chose just helps you shine.

Me: Awe thanks, buddy. Thank you for understanding and for complimenting me exactly the way I needed. It shows you’re listening.

Hank: Oh, I am.



The Pooping Ant (A Conversation with Molly)

Forget what you know to be true! conversations with hank

Forget what you know to be true!


(watching nature documentaries)

Molly: MAMAMAMAMAMMAMAMAMAMAMA! Looook, it’s a pooping ant.

Me: (looking up from my book ) Oh wow, cool, a centipede.

Molly: No mama, not cente-peeeee! No pee, mama, poop! It’s a pooping ant!

Me: A pooping ant?

Molly: (definitive) Yes.

Me: Well then, I will be sure to alert the scientifit community that the centipede shall from this day forward be know as the pooping ant.

Molly: Thank you, mama. I love you so much.