Funny Food Avoidance

conversation with hank

Molly: (finishes feeding her doll and herself soup and starts to leave the dinner table)

Me: Amália Sofia, where do you think  you’re going?

Molly: My Rapunzel needs to faz xixi (pee).

Me: But it is dinner time and we are all sitting down to the table together.

Molly: (with conviction) BUT MAMA, she needs to faz xixi (pee) in the bathroom and not in her cuecas (underwear)!

Me: Fair. Hustle and help Rapunzel faz xixi (pee) then return to the table to eat.

Molly: Okay. (Dashes off and returns to the table with no doll)

Me: MaGoo?

Molly: (pushing her dinner around her plate) Yes, mama.

Me: Where is Rapunzel?

Molly: She in the bathroom. She needs to be alone.

Me: And what is she doing in the bathroom.

Molly: Mama, I told you she has to faz xixi (pee)!

Me: (envisioning fishing her barbie out of the toilet bowl) Amália, is Rapunzel peeing on the toilet?

Molly: (aghast) Mama, no way. Rapunzel is biaxa de tornada (in the sink). The toilet is too too dangerous. She could f- (undistinguishable over the hubbub of the dinner table) in!

Me: She could FART in?

Hank: Nooooo, MOM (laughing) she said she could fall in!

Molly: (positively purple with laughter) YES! She could FART IN! (hysterical)

Me: Could totally happen.

Hank: (giggling)

Me: One wild fart and that doll would be swimming, The toilet is far too dangerous for dolls.

Molly: Fart! (rockets of laughter) Fart in!!!! That is a good one, mama.


O Meu João (My João)

Trick or Treat

Trick or Treat


(walking home from pre-school with our friend, Caitlin)

Molly: O meu João (my João) can jump off this step. (Molly jumps off the step)

Me: Oofta!

Molly O meu João (my João) is not gonna believe this! Did you see me do that?!

Caitlin: Is João your friend at school?

Molly: O meu João (my João) is my best friend. O meu João (my João) can climb up this fence then race me then jump up into the sky!

Me: Whoa!

Molly: Yah! (climbing up on to a large granite bench and jumping fearlessly off) O meu João (my João) can jump down like that.

Me: So can you! Well done.

Molly: O meu João (my João) jumps so high! (dashing up a neighbor building’s front steps) O meu João (my João) is not gonna believe I can do this. Watch me mama, watch me I’m brave. (jumps down two steps that walks the last step like a light rope walker)

Me: I bet you have fun playing with him.

Molly: He’s my number one babe.

Caitlin: (instant laughter)

Me: (coughs)

Molly: Watch this! (skirting a ledge of marble outside a dry cleaners)

Me: (to Caitlin) Did she say João was her…? Wait what?

Caitlin: She said either babe or bae.

Me: I don’t even know what bae is!

Caitlin: Bae is João that’s what bae is.

Molly: (running ahead, declaring for all to hear) O meu João (my João) is my number one babe!

Me: (watching her go, curls bouncing) She said babe.

Caitlin: She sure did.


*BAE is new slang, short for babe, but also an acronym for Before Anyone Else.




Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?

conversations with hank and moly

Me: (after four days of being sick while taking care of a sick toddler, settle down deep into a restorative bubble bath, cracking open the spine of a new book)

Molly: (knocking at the bathroom door)

Me: (deep cleansing breath)

Molly: (knocking at the bathroom door)

Me: Amália Sofia, there are two other members of this household available to assist you.  Mama is having some alone time.



Molly: (knocking at the bathroom door)

Me: (ready to flip out when…)

Molly: (in a tiny voice) Do you want to build a snowman? Come on let’s go and plaaaaaaay. I never see you anymore, come out the door, it’s mumble mumble heeeeeeeyyyyyy! We used to be best buddies, but now we not, I wish you would tell me why! Do you want to build a snow man? (pause) It doesn’t have to be a snow man.

Me: (immensely proud but knowing I have a part to play) Go away, Anna!

Molly: Ooookay, bye.




Molly: Good job, mama!

Me: Bravo, Amália.

Molly: (runs off towards the next adventure)

Me: (sinks deeper into my bath, my book and the grin on my face)