Hank: (bed head, whining) Moooooooooom.
Me: (nope. Just no.)
Me: How can I help you, Hank?
Hank: Mama, I went to sleep so late last night.
Me: Indeed, we all did. We had the teacher’s meeting at your school, no one expected that to be a two and a half hour meeting, then we collected you chickens from Amália’s ama’s (nanny’s) house, then we came home, ate a late dinner…
Me: Then explained in minute detail everything that was discussed in the meeting.
Hank: I can’t walk with papa and Amália this morning. I need to go back to sleep.
Me: No. We all went to bed at the same time and we are all suffering for it, but you will cowboy-up…
Hank: (dead serious) I don’t understand what that means.
Me: You will pull on your big boy britches like the rest of us.
Hank: Mom, I don’t speak American English sometimes.
Me: You will make a better choice, get dressed and walk with your papa and Amália to Adriana’s (Molly’s nanny) house because she lives across the street from your new school and you need to practice the route.
Hank: But maaaamaaaaa!
Me: I said no. Now get dressed and I will make you an iced decaf coffee to carry with you, you can wear sunglasses so no one can tell you’re tired and I bet you five bucks your papa will buy you a café breakfast before he goes off towards the university and you head home.
Hank: You have to bet me five euros and not five bucks. This isn’t an American cowboy movie.
Me: Oh, we’re about to have a gunslinging showdown at the OK Corral if you keep sassing me. I get to be Doc Holiday and you get to be one of the outlaws who’s names no one ever remembers.
Hank: (eye rolls with his whole body)
Me: (under my breath, walking away) I’ll show you the difference between bucks and euros. Land Sakes Alive, Imma gonna rename your room Tombstone, Arizona. Watch me.