Article

Savage

Gummy Bears were hurt in the process of writing this blog

Gummy Bears were hurt in the process of writing this blog

 

Me: Hank?

Hank: Yah?

Me: Why are there gummy bears on the living room door?

Hank: What?

Me: A pair of gummy bears is sitting on my living room door.

Hank: Hold on (abandons his homework). What the…

Me: I know, right! Did you do this?

Hank: No, I don’t even like gummy candy.

Me: Amália Sofia?

Molly: (in her bedroom) Sim?

Me: Can you come here, please?

Molly: I coming! (running into the living room, curls bouncing) I here!

Hank: Amália, how did these gummy bears sit on this door? Was it you?

Me: Was it the fairies?

Molly: OH! Those my friends. I no eat them. I love them.

Hank: Awe, that is so sweet.

Molly: (bouncing away) I eat them tomorrow.

Me: (riots of laughter)

Hank: You know what that was mom? That was savage. My sister is savage.

Me: (nodding, totally in love with my life)

Article

A Historic Day

7673cfa1d540a95a00a14f3e88a8a17a

 

Me: Y’all… Dinner!

Pai: (walking in with a sick, sleepy Molly in his arms having just woken up from her 4th nap of the day) Look who I found.

Me: Well, hello chicken! Did you have a nice sleep?

Molly: (face still pillow creased) Good morning! It morning time.

Pai: It is actually dinnertime. (putting Molly in her chair)

Me: Do we need anything else to come to the table. Where’s Hank?

Hank: (from down the hall) I’m in the bathroom.

Pai: (sigh)

Molly: (racked with coughing, not covering her mouth)

Pai: Amália, remember? (placing his face into the crux of his elbow)

Me: (doing the same but more for protection as my medications for RA/AS result in a suppressed immune system) When we cough or sneeze we…

Molly: (following suit, muffled) Put in cor-too-velo (cotovelo, elbow)

Pai: She says it wrong just like you.

Me: At least she can say elbow in two languages.

Pai: Almost. (smiling) Cotovelo, filha, CO-TO-velo (elbow, daughter, EL-bow).

Molly: (coughing into her soup)

Me: HANK?

Hank: (within earshot) COMING!

Me: I’m going to put a “No Loitering” sign in the bathroom.

Pai: (exhausted sigh, half serious) Is it wrong that I just want them to go to sleep right now? Am I a horrible person?

Me: (oozing with sarcasm) Listen, we only have to pretend to like them on weekends.

Hank: (sitting down at the table with his phone to his ears) Hey girl, listen, I have to go. Yah, I have to eat dinner with my parents and pretend I think they’re funny. Right. I KNOW. Yah, totally. (laughing) Okay. For sure! Later, bye. (puts the phone down dramatically, picks up his napkin with a flourish and places it in his lap, raised eyebrow, oozing with sass)

Me:

Pai:

Molly: (slurping her soup)

Me: (hand to my heart, momentarily speechless)

Hank: (panicking) What? You know that was a joke, right? My phone’s not even on.

Pai: And you don’t have any friends who speak English with you. (chuckling) We get it. That was great.

Me: (overly dramatic and sincere) I hoped this day would come, I dreamed of it, but you never know, you know?

Pai: Some people are born without a sense of humor.

Me: (slow clap)

Pai: (joining me) Well, done.

Me: (half getting up) Excuse me while I go apply water to that burn.

Pai: Don’t the kids say, “Awe snap,” in these moments?

Me: Bravo.

Hank: (proud, diving into his soup)

Me: (diving into my soup) That was funny.

Pai: (diving into his soup) That was so funny.

Molly: (oblivious, picking up her soup bowl and chugging the rest of her soup) All done. How the day? How the day, papa? How the day, mano? How the day, mama? (coughing into her elbow)

Me: Historic, MaGoo. Today was positively historic, thank you for asking.

Hank: (beaming)

Molly: Oh, that good. That a good day.

Article

Hank’s Christmas Bucket List

208713f1d0a3517b21af1bc8113cad1e

 

Hank: Mama, I’ve written a Christmas bucket list so I remember to, like, spend time doing things besides staring at my phone.

Me: Smart.

Hank: Do you want to hear it?

Me: Obviously!

Hank: 1. Make Christmas Cookies

Me: Of course.

Hank: 2. Ask papa to show me how to use his running machine, because I want to work on my fitness and it is so cold so no to the outdoors.

Me: (giggling)

Hank: 3. Throw an awesome Christmas Party.

Me: Every year! Every Single Year!

Hank: And 4. Watch Christmas Movies such as Elf, Home Alone because every year it is on RTP (a national TV station).

Me: Is that it?

Hank: Isn’t that enough?

Me: Homework… Reading?

Hank: Of course those, too! This is just the Christmas FUN bucket list.

Me: Huh.

Hank: Yah!

Me: Word. So which one of those do you want to do now?

Hank: Now?

Me: Yes, now.

Hank: Um… So like, there is this thing called Vlogmas

Me: (unamused)

Hank: (dashing off to stare at YouTube on his phone for HOURS) After lunch! Bucket list starts after lunch!!!

Me: (some serious Christmas side eye)